Pepsi Rampage
by PartyOnTheMoon
Summary: CM Punk's Pepsi can gets stuck in the machine. Let's just say he doesn't take it lightly. -Oneshot- Rated T for language.


**A/N:** I was bored, my drink actually got stuck in the machine and inspired this one-shot. This is intended for humor and nothing else. Rated for language, by the way, so don't say I didn' warn ya! (;

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"You ready for our match, man?" John Cena asked his colleague that Monday night, minutes before they opened the show.

"Yeah." Phil Brooks, a.k.a, CM Punk shook the change that was in his hand. "I'm just gonna go get some Pepsi out the machine real quick."

He walked out of the men's locker room and across the hall to the drink machine. Luckily for him, a small can was only 60 cents and it was the only money he'd manage to scrape from other superstars. The drink machine itself looked very old and warn, but the straight edge superstar didn't really think of it much. Down at the very bottom was the Pepsi button. Phil scoffed and shook his head as he began to insert the money. _Pepsi should definitely be above Coke._

Finally, he inserted all the money necessary for his drink. He bent over to push the Pepsi button, then straightened up, seeing the word "VEND" pop up near where he put the change in. He could hear nothing moving in the machine. After a few more seconds, the word "VEND" faded away and instead went back to it's original message of ".60".

The straight edge star's mouth dropped open. "Oh hell no. No it did _not _just eat my change and keep my Pepsi."

He crouched down, sticking his hand in the slot where the drink should've came and tried to feel around him, but he felt nothing.

"Hey Phil." Mickie James was standing next to the machine, looking at him with concern. "What are you doing?"

"The machine stole my Pepsi!" Phil growled as he punched the machine.

Mickie could only raise her eyebrows. "Um, Phil? Have you seen that machine? It's all old and rusted."

"But it didn't have an out of order sign on it." Phil punched the machine, this time harder.

Mickie looked around quickly. "Phil stop! You might get in trouble! It's just a can of Pepsi!"

Phil turned around to Mickie slowly, giving her a look to send chills down one's spine. "Pepsi is not just a can. It is a way of life."

Mickie rolled her eyes. "Right, well good luck with that."

"Keep sippin' your haterade!" Phil called after her.

Mickie gave him a rude hand gesture in return.

Phil turned back to the machine, hitting his fist against it three more times before randomly kicking at it. "Damn it! Give me my 'effin can!"

John then came out of the locker room. "Almost time, man."

"I can't leave yet. My can never came out." Phil then began hitting all the soda option buttons.

"Phil we can come back to that after the match," John tried to persuade him.

"No we can't! I want my Pepsi right now! RIGHT NOW DAMMIT!" Phil roared as he grabbed the machine and began to shake it.

John immediately grabbed his arms. "Calm down man! It's just a soda can!"

"What's going on here?" Shawn Michaels came to a stop in front of the two men, along with the camera men.

"If someone doesn't come here and get my can, I'll unleash the red and blue power of Pepsi in man form!" Phil threatened as he struggled against John's grip.

"Phil-" Shawn tried to interject.

"All I want is my damn Pepsi!" Phil continued to say, not noticing Shawn walking over to the machine. "Is it so hard for a man to get soda nowadays? Am I really committing a crime by wanting a sip of my favorite drink? Does anyone love me enough to help me or are you gonna send me to some remediation class because I have an addiction? Because…"

He then faded off of what he was saying as he saw Shawn holding out the undamaged can of Pepsi.

"Can you shut up now?" Shawn said half-jokingly.

Phil looked at the can, then up at Shawn, back down at the can and then up at Shawn again. He then suddenly lunged forward, grabbing the older man's head and pulling it towards his for a sloppy, disgusting kiss. "I LOVE YOU SHAWN MICHAELS!"

He let the Heartbreak Kid go, causing Shawn to spit and sputter as he snatched the can out of his hand and cuddled it to his face. "I love you even more baby…" he looked at the can lovingly before kissing it.

John cleared his throat awkwardly. "Um, Phil?"

Phil looked over at his colleague happily. "Hmm?"

John jerked his thumb in the direction of the cameras. Phil looked and once he saw, he immediately began to turn red. The camera man began to laugh at him. America was probably joining in on this.

"You should save this for later," John told him quietly as he took the Pepsi can out of his hand.

"Keep it by ringside," Phil demanded.

John was about to say no, but Phil was giving him the puppy eyes. He gave a loud, exasperated sigh. "Fine. But it's sitting next to the steel steps."

"Okay!" Phil then led the way as him and John began to head towards their match.

The camera men waited until they were gone before turning on Shawn Michaels, who was wiping his lips vigorously.

"How do you feel about this three way love triangle?" one of the camera guys asked.

Shawn glared at the two of them in response.

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**A/N: **The end! (:


End file.
